Let me tell you a short little story: once upon a time in one of my theatre classes, a professor told us, “You’re going to fail, a lot. And you’re going to fail big.” I immediately raised my hand and said I absolutely was not going to do that, because failure was not an option for me. This professor and I would go back and forth at least once a week about this.
"You're going to mess up, you're going to make mistakes, nothing's going to be perfect the first time...you're going to fail." I think I had a rebuttal every time the word came up.
Mistake, error, oopsies, flop, disappointment, letdown, catastrophe, fiasco, disaster...all synonyms of 'failure' and yet none resonate as strongly, or perhaps, scare me, as much as that hecking word.
Fail, verb: "be unsuccessful in achieving one's goal." Oxford Dictionary.
The sound of that is so definitive. It sounds so absolute, so...final. I do believe I hate this word.
Everything we do has some sort of stakes or investment. We all want our goals and dreams to turn out perfectly, and we all want that feeling of achievement that comes with accomplishing a task or project. We all strive towards success.
This is a thought I contemplate on a lot. Success seems to be measured by how much money you make, or what kind of job you have, or car you drive, if you're married and have a family. Now, this isn't always the case, but how often do we find ourselves comparing our life and where we are to others? Do we measure our success by what others have? I don't have that; does that make me a failure?
Failure seems so final, and I think that's what scares me so much. For me, failure means I've completely given up. I've exhausted all options and I simply cannot continue because there is no way to succeed. I can learn nothing more from this endeavor. I like to think I can always learn something from everything I do, whether it goes well or not. We are always learning, and always growing. There are 1,000 different ways to succeed. And sometimes, it seems that success happens through the fear of failure. Even if it's not at the forefront of our minds as we work, the underlying fear is there. Its prevalent in the questions we ask ourselves: How can I be my best? What can I do to make myself and my work stronger, or stand out more?
I've been thinking a lot recently about self care. I've kept myself busy for the last four years without a big break of any kind, without a chance to let my mind and body rest. I've been focused on my goals and doing what I set out to do; now, for a little while, I've got a break. I don't have something happening every hour of every day, and that's led to reflection and refocusing. I think I've let this word set into my brain a bit too much. Maybe it's my fear of the word and what it means that makes me a bit crazy. I don't know how many people ponder over the word and its meaning like I do. I don't want to fail.
I know what my theatre professor was getting at when she told us we'd fail: not everything is going to be great or perfect on the first try. Maybe not even the second try. My success or failure is going to be different than someone else's. We live in a society that constantly compares the value and worth of life, status, items, etc. We compare ourselves to others and set our standards to reflect theirs. How many of us are guilty of that? I think it's one of our biggest flaws as humans. I can't live by someone else's standards of success and failure, because their interpretation is different than mine, and means something else entirely to them. Don’t let others define success or failure for you. They’re not the ones doing it. Our individual journeys lead us in different directions than others, and success shows up in ways we don't expect it to, in places we don't look for.
We're working on success through the fear of failure right now, with this theatre company, as we invite artists of all levels of experience to be a part of our shows and stories. For some, it's a big step. It requires us to be a bit vulnerable and accept the work and the trials and errors that come with it, and know we can keep going. We create beautiful moments and stories for our audiences, and that in itself is a success.
This week, I encourage you all to think about your definition of success and failure. What does it look like for you? There are 1,000 different ways to success. What will you do with them?
Robin Kime
Artistic Director